Taz Jonez presents, Gym Rules: The sexy and the unsexy...

Okay, I shouldn't have to do this but because of a certain experience I witnessed this morning at the gym, its apparent I have to.

It appears some grown folks have no clue what is and isn't sexy in gym culture, so as the saint I am, I will make it clear.

WHATS SEXY:

Shower shoes. You don't know what people got going on with their feet. Bunions? Fungus? Aw hell naw, if you don't want to be using "fast acting tinactin", have shower shoes, flip flops, something.

WHATS SEXY:

Coming to the gym to workout, relieve stress, meet people, spend time with friends, family, etc.

WHATS NOT SEXY:

You being a grown ass man and coming to the gym to stand around outside the yoga classes and watch the ladies do their bends and poses, or the aerobics classes to watch the ladies with their asses and titties giggling while getting an erection in your tight 1980s gym shorts. Get a life you perv. Thats why they sell porn. And the ladies are no better, particularly the fat ugly ones, standing around watching the men flex and sweat when they lift weights. How about you get on the treadmill instead miss, and maybe they would want you.

WHATS SEXY:

Going to the shower area/locker room, washing your stanking asses, maybe steaming a little cause its great for the skin, and then taking your black ass home.

WHATS NOT SEXY:

Shower trolls!!!! You know, gay guys and gals that come to the gym, never look at a weight or nothing, and go straight up to the locker room/shower area and begin spying on people. They want to look at your balls or titties, follow you around the locker room from the shower to the steam room to your personal locker. These folks are usually there from sun up to sun down lurking, scheming and watching. You know who I am talking about, and if you fit this discription, kill yourself. Some get a little more bold and wink a little. Get a life you fuckers, and the older they get, the worst they get. They figure, "He can't hit me cause I am so old, brittle and ancient, so I can look all I want...Hell, I might even give him a compliment. You have great buns..." Oh hell no, beat that old bitch's ass. Thats violation of your rights!!

TAZ

Its offical! My boss is trying to destroy whats left of my street cred!!!

Me and my boss have a love/hate relationship. Well actually, we have more of a hate/hate relationship. I hate her ass, and I show her this by reporting her to her superiors every time she does something off the wall. For instance, last week she was playing SPADES during work hours with a few of the fat bitches that work in the mail room. I told on her ass and she got written up. Of course she retaliates by blocking any chances of me getting a promotion, but fuck it, I don't need their damn promotions.

Anyways...

Today some young sweet thing asked me to help her change her flat tire. She was parked in the parking lot. I walks pass my boss's office and she is predictably on the phone laughing like Aunt Shaniqua at the church fish fry and I says, "be right back", and goes and helps the chick. When I return to my cubicle my boss is sitting on my desk looking all crazy in the face.

I says, "what the hell do you want?", and she is like "How the hell you gonna be changing tires during work hours?", and follows up with "I don't know who the hell you think you is". She always talks with her outdoor voice like most big girls, so of course everybody in my area comes around to see what the beef is. I was like "whatever," and I stepped in my cubicle to get my car keys cause I was leaving because I didn't feel like her shit, and thats' when she like mushed my head up against the the cubicle locker. Everybody starts laughing and everything, and the worst part is it was a bunch of college interns standing around, and they were laughing too.

One of them I was trying to get with, but that thing is dead now cause she isn't trying to get with no dude that gets beat up by his 50 year old boss.

That bitch ruined my damn street cred.

TAZ

I am having a rough week, so I felt like giving you all the finger...

Don't worry, I still love ya'll though. LMAO

I have a show I am hosting on Friday and another one pending next Friday.

I am running around like a chicken with his head cut off.

I am still hung over from the weekend, and I been sooooooooo good with the drinking lately. I'm kinda disappointed, but what can you do.

Anyways, the one good thing is I picked up the Robyn CD and its helping me get through this crazy ass week, and next week can't be worst. She is like a more soft spoken P!nk, but she still has as much to say and P!nk. Ya'll probably remember her from the late 90s teen pop boom. She has the huge hit "Show Me Love".

Holla,

TAZ

Lets talk Sean Bell, I got some shit on my mind!!!!

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

"The Art of Communication"...

I honestly just don't get people. Communication is the key to any relationship whether a romantic one, a friendship, a business, or a relationship at the workplace. Whats especially annoying is when people refuse to tell you how they feel, but then get mad when your actions aren't in line with what they would have wanted. If you would have told me what you wanted, I would have tried to accommodate you. If you would have told me what I did wrong, I would have tried to do better.

Communication is the key. If you aren't communicating, you become part of the problem. If I am doing something wrong at the work place, and you know it, don't talk behind my back about how bad I am, tell me. If someone is telling you things that I supposedly said or did, and you are my friend, don't believe the hype, ask me if I did it. You might be shocked.

Anyways, that's my beef for the day. On a positive note, the album will be available April 23rd, 2008, so brace yourselves, and most of all peeps, don't be afraid to communicate your opinions on it when you hear it. I ain't scurred.

Peace.

TAZ

Drama: At the Workplace...TAZ is Pissed!!!!

So after my smoking a black and mild outside in the parking lot, and making a quick stop pass the lottery line, I am walking back to my cubicle when I notice a couple of plus sized older chicks playing Spades and laughing loudly like harpies. So I looks at my watch and it ain't no where near break time, and I notice one of them was a bitch that wins countless awards for great service every year.

So I looks at her and I says, "what are you doing bitch? You can't be playing Spades all times of the day when your old ass should be working". And she looks at me and says, "bitch I know your lazy ass ain't talking walking from the damn lottery line smelling like some damn black & milds". So we jump in each others faces and are about to fight when I say, "how the fuck you be winning all them awards when all your old ass does is play spades?" That's when she went off on me and in between the 'fuck you's' and 'bitch ass motherfuckers' I was able to piece together her angle. Basically its not about what you do, it is about who you know, so I have decided to take the rest of the week and walk around and shake people's hands and kiss their asses so that they 'know me'.

Anybody got any hand sanitizer for your boy?

Taz

A Janet fan(me) vents on this history breaking week for Madonna and Mooriah....

I'ma about to go on a lamb killing spree.

I can't believe that slutacious bimbo with a super flat ass, Mariah, has went number 1 once again.

I admit it. I am jealous. I am mad and I ain't gonna take it no more.

Moo-riah, I don't want to touch your body, I want to touch your face, with my new timbos...

I haven't been this mad since the old king died.

Join me janatics...Join me on my mission. call all the radio stations and say "you ugly fat bitches. How dare you play Mariah and not Janet". Let 4 and 5 words be your weapons. Attack Janatics...Attack with everything you've got.

We must be avenged!! Janet must be avenged!!

The retarded kid at the front desk of my job is a Mariah fan. So about 11am I snuck in the fridge and got his lunch and ate it in the name of Janet Jackson fans everywhere. And that boy is emotional and plus sized so he started to cry when he discovered he had nothing to eat.

Serves him right. He shouldn't have been humming "Touch My Body" in the hallway last Tuesday

TAZ

-----------------------
From Billboard

http://www.billboard.com/bbcom/news/article_display.jsp?vnu_content_id=1003784083

Two leading ladies, Mariah Carey and Madonna, leapfrog over Elvis Presley in the Billboard charts record book this week.

As expected, Mariah Carey moves past Elvis Presley and into sole possession of second place for most No. 1s in the rock era, as "Touch My Body" soars 15-1 on the Billboard Hot 100 to become her 18th chart-topper. With her album "E=MC2" yet to hit retail, Carey might equal the Beatles' record of 20 No. 1s before her set runs its course.

"Body's" blast to No. 1 is fueled by a record-setting debut week digital tally of 286,000 downloads. That sum, good enough for the No. 1 slot on Hot Digital Songs, surpasses the 277,000 downloads labelmate Rihanna opened with in the June 9, 2007, issue with her summer smash "Umbrella."

Presley will also be nudged from his standing as the artist with the most top 10s in the rock era, as Madonna surpasses him with her 37th top 10, "4 Minutes." The track, which features Justin Timberlake, clocks a 68-3 jump. Previous to the establishment of the Billboard Hot 100 in 1958, the industry standard chart was the Best Sellers in Stores tally, where Presley scored his first 12 top 10s.

Like Carey's "Touch," Madonna's Hot 100 jump is spurred by stupendous download sales. "4 Minutes" shifts 217,000 in its first week of wide release (it had been available as a Verizon exclusive) to enter Hot Digital Songs at No. 2.


This is the first time since Nielsen SoundScan began tracking digital sales in 2003 that two titles debut simultaneously on Hot Digital Songs with more than 200,000 downloads each. The week also marks the best single-week digital tally in either artist's career.

Wash your fucking hands!!!!!!!!!!

I cannot stress to you more the importance of hand sanitizer because people is nasty as shit. There is this guy at my job, we'll call him Mr. Nasty Hands, who has got to be the nastiest bitch in the world. First of all, he pees with his pants and underwear around his ankles like an 4 year old. Dude, we really didn't need to be mooned when we came into the bathroom!!!! Secondly, he carries his food in the nasty bathroom with him. EWWWWW!!! All them germs he eating. Of course he be the one that never gets sick. And worst of all, he never washes his hands.

I actually ran into him in the movie theater the other day when I went to see "Doomsday". He was there with his wife and kids. When I walked into the restroom he was coming out the stall from taking a shit. He says, "I been seeing co-workers all day," with a smile and walks over and tries to shake my hand. I hollers at the top of my lungs, "ewwwwwwwwwwww...you ain't wash your hands," and steps back and he smirks and walks out of the bathroom only to go back into the theater to continue sharing popcorn with his wife and kids. LOL

Ain't that nasty?

TAZ

FILED UNDER TAZ IS PISSED: "There is nothing worst then a helpless broad!!!"

So the old broads at my job act like they can't do nothing. They can't carry a case of soda from their own damn car. They can't lift a few books. The fat ass bitches can barely walk up the steps, though when its time to pick up the Chinese delivery from the front of the building the bitches can run like gazelles. The bitches is computer illiterate like its still the 90s and computers are new and amazing. The worst part of it all is that they always run to me for help. Bitch I am lazy just like you is lazy. I ain't trying to help your ass. I ain't even doing my work I get paid for. I am playing on the Internet, and every time your fat helpless ass comes over here you are making my spot hott. How about that?

Had to get that off my chest. Now back to tending to these fat old whores and their got-damned needs.

See ya in a few.

TAZ