CALAMITY AT THE WORKPLACE: featuring the Unbelievable Taz Jonez

So last week when my Janet Jackson tickets arrived in the mail, I made a copy of them. I taped one copy to my chest and the other to my ass, and danced around my job talking about "I'm seeing Janet Jackson in New York and you bitches aren't".

This was in an effort to make all my co workers jealous.

So today, the radio announced a complete list of canceled dates due to Janet catching the sniffles and this fat greasy bald headed old gal I work with came dancing into my cubicle singing about "You ain't gonna see Janet cause she canceled all her dates".

I says to this plus size old chick, "shouldn't you be tending to your sugar diabetes you fat bitch, and besides, my dates were not canceled so mind your business". Can you believe she started to cry, and went and told my manager that I made fun of her sugar diabetes? Of course this means I got called into the office again.

This week is kicking off to a marvelous start.

TAZ JONEZ

Coming to a town near you: The broke down and busted tour 2008

These motherfuckers is too young to look so damn old. Fat ass Al Be Sure, KC of Jodeci, and Miss Tevin Campbell look a hot ass fugly mess. KC look about 80. Miss Tevin looks about 56, and Al be Sure looks hungry. What a hott as mess this terrible threesome are.

Ticket prices range from $2.00 to a chicken box.

LMAO

TAZ

This chick here has lost her damn mind and is the Messy of the fucking week

So apparently this crazy ass 33 year old chick wanted to live a childhood she thought she lost so she stole her daughters identity, went to high school and became a cheerleader...

She actually thought she could pass for 15? Yup. The bitch was nutso, but harmless nutso.

That is until she found her a 15 year old boyfriend to sue.

LMAO

I say let her go, and let her get her cheerleader on.

TAZ

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GREEN BAY, Wis. — A 33-year-old woman stole her daughter's identity to attend high school and join the cheerleading squad, according to a criminal complaint filed against the woman.Wendy Brown, of Green Bay, faces a felony identity theft charge after enrolling in Ashwaubenon High School as her 15-year-old daughter, who lives in Nevada with Brown's mother.According to the complaint, Brown wanted to get her high school degree and become a cheerleader because she didn't have a childhood and wanted to regain a part of her life that she'd missed.Brown allegedly attended cheerleading practices before school started, received a cheerleader's locker and went to a pool party at the cheerleading coach's house.The $134.50 check Brown gave to the cheerleading coach for her uniform bounced, the complaint said.A high school employee, Kim Demeny, told authorities that the woman, posing as the teen, seemed very timid. Demeny said she told her she was not good at math and even cried when she talked about moving from Pahrump Valley High School in Nevada. Demeny said she looked older than a student but had the demeanor of a high school girl.

RelatedStoriesCops:

Wisconsin Mom Posed as Daughter to Be Cheerleader A school liaison officer started investigating after Brown only attended the first day of classes last week, the complaint said.Assistant Principal Dirk Ribbins later learned Brown's daughter was enrolled at Pahrump Valley High School. Ribbins also spoke with Brown's mother, who told him she had custody of the girl. She said Brown has a history of identity theft crimes, the complaint said.Brown made her first court appearance Friday by video conference. The judge set bond at $8,000.If convicted, she could face up to six years in prison and a $10,000 fine.There was no attorney listed in Brown's online court records. Her home number could not be found.http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,424061,00.html

STAR WARS: The Battle where your only weapons is your star power...

This week's battle takes place at the Cannes Film festival. The battle scene is a benefit auction, and the warriors are Madonna, hot off the heels of a number 1 album, and stealing a black baby from Africa; Sean 'Diddy' Combs; and George Clooney.

Round one easily went to Madonna who outclassed Diddy by merely taking lip gloss out of her purse, using it, and watching it sell for $472,000.00. Diddy was offering up 24-hours with Diddy which means you could hang with the mogul and super-ego for an entire day. It went for a mere $314,000.00. Madonna also saw a guitar from her last tour go for $472,000.00 as well.

Guess Diddy isn't the star he thought he was.

Then came the real war. Madonna VS George Clooney. The weapon was Sharon Stone. Last year a Sharon Stone/Clooney kiss went for $700,000.00. Ever the super ego, Madonna demanded a million for a smooch with co host Sharon Stone, and the crowd looked at her old ass as if she had bumped her head. Who wants to see too old gals kissing? Desperate, Madonna declared she would serenade fans backstage, and still even only got $550,000 for that.

Super Loser: Diddy

Loser: Madonna

Winner: George Clooney, AIDS victims the money went to, and Taz Jonez for not having to see two old gals kissing. If I want to see old broads co habitating, I'd watch the Golden Girls re runs with my gay Uncle Jarvis.

TAZ