Douchebags of the week: Every kid on who's ever been on "My Super Sweet 16"

Now I know I been gone for a while but I was actually doing work...go figure. Anyways, I decided to come back with a bang so here it goes. A BIG FUCK YOU TO THE CHILDREN OF "MY SUPER SWEET 16"!!! Now before you all go, "Oh Krizz is just hatin because he's broke", which by the way would make you a douchebag too, I got good reason to hate these little bastards. So I was up with Taz, havin a drink and discussing world domination while MTV was on in the background. Which by the way should just be called TV now because they don't play music anymore. Then this fuckin show comes on. I had seen it in bits and pieces before but I try not to subject myself to visual and mental torture too much. So, as normal, I began to tune it out when something amazing caught my attention. A 15 year-old verbally lashing their parents. I mean slam cussing them the fuck out. And the parents were taking it like champs. Like shit was all good. For a split second I flashed back to when I was fifteen and I got outta line with my grandad...he promptly spun my head around like the excorcist and beat me like I stole something expensive. Anyways, after this little bitch cusses her parents out they fly her to Itlay to have custom shoes made to match the $5,000 dress she just bought. It gets better. She asks the overpriced Italian shoemaker to name the shoe after her and start a new line. He snickered @ her and ran Daddy's credit card quickly. When she gets back to the states she calls a meeting, during school hours, while @ school, to hand out invitations to the party. Now here's the fun part, not everybody called to the meeting was invited. Some of those kids had the dick look when they didn't get an invite. Then the night of this little snots party. Her theme was "Oscars after party" or some shit to make her feel much more important than she really was. She rents a yacht and has her party on the water. She started cussing niggas out who were "makin it rain" on the dancefloor claiming this was a classy affair. Then Cassidy comes out and performs "My Drink and My 2 Step." The boat docks, the little snot gets off and has a brand new $100,000 Mercedes waiting. The sad part about the whole thing is that this spoiled cunt may very well become someone who could affect your life (i.e. George W. Bush-rich kid, cokehead/alcoholic, business destroyer, 2-term President of the U.S.A) This cum dumpster will probably be a Senator or Congresswoman or some shit like that. All because Daddy's loaded. Okay I'm done...now get the fuck outta here...

Krizz

Taz Jonez presents, Gym Rules: The sexy and the unsexy...

Okay, I shouldn't have to do this but because of a certain experience I witnessed this morning at the gym, its apparent I have to.

It appears some grown folks have no clue what is and isn't sexy in gym culture, so as the saint I am, I will make it clear.

WHATS SEXY:

Shower shoes. You don't know what people got going on with their feet. Bunions? Fungus? Aw hell naw, if you don't want to be using "fast acting tinactin", have shower shoes, flip flops, something.

WHATS SEXY:

Coming to the gym to workout, relieve stress, meet people, spend time with friends, family, etc.

WHATS NOT SEXY:

You being a grown ass man and coming to the gym to stand around outside the yoga classes and watch the ladies do their bends and poses, or the aerobics classes to watch the ladies with their asses and titties giggling while getting an erection in your tight 1980s gym shorts. Get a life you perv. Thats why they sell porn. And the ladies are no better, particularly the fat ugly ones, standing around watching the men flex and sweat when they lift weights. How about you get on the treadmill instead miss, and maybe they would want you.

WHATS SEXY:

Going to the shower area/locker room, washing your stanking asses, maybe steaming a little cause its great for the skin, and then taking your black ass home.

WHATS NOT SEXY:

Shower trolls!!!! You know, gay guys and gals that come to the gym, never look at a weight or nothing, and go straight up to the locker room/shower area and begin spying on people. They want to look at your balls or titties, follow you around the locker room from the shower to the steam room to your personal locker. These folks are usually there from sun up to sun down lurking, scheming and watching. You know who I am talking about, and if you fit this discription, kill yourself. Some get a little more bold and wink a little. Get a life you fuckers, and the older they get, the worst they get. They figure, "He can't hit me cause I am so old, brittle and ancient, so I can look all I want...Hell, I might even give him a compliment. You have great buns..." Oh hell no, beat that old bitch's ass. Thats violation of your rights!!

TAZ

Fun new use for the Vagina discovered!! The vagina is so multi useful...!!

I maliciously stole this from Perez Hilton. If he wants to talk about it or even fight about it, he can email me, and I'll meet him and we can go.

TAZ

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During a body cavity search Portage, Wisconsin, police found 27.3 grams of cocaine inside the vagina of the woman pictured above, Shavone Reece.

http://perezhilton.com/2008-06-19-cocaine-vagina

Kinda looks like she's glowing!!!!Cocaine facials, coming up at the spa!Reece was arrested in Portage after selling cocaine, marijuana and the narcotic Diazepam to an undercover officer.Thoughts from Portage P.D.?"That's a lot of cocaine," said one of their detectives, Dan Pionke.Pionke went on to say that 27 grams of coke is about the size of a golf ball.As long as she wasn't a virgin…that would've been EZ peesy to, um store, in the vagine area, right?Drug dealers these days, so creative!

Its offical! My boss is trying to destroy whats left of my street cred!!!

Me and my boss have a love/hate relationship. Well actually, we have more of a hate/hate relationship. I hate her ass, and I show her this by reporting her to her superiors every time she does something off the wall. For instance, last week she was playing SPADES during work hours with a few of the fat bitches that work in the mail room. I told on her ass and she got written up. Of course she retaliates by blocking any chances of me getting a promotion, but fuck it, I don't need their damn promotions.

Anyways...

Today some young sweet thing asked me to help her change her flat tire. She was parked in the parking lot. I walks pass my boss's office and she is predictably on the phone laughing like Aunt Shaniqua at the church fish fry and I says, "be right back", and goes and helps the chick. When I return to my cubicle my boss is sitting on my desk looking all crazy in the face.

I says, "what the hell do you want?", and she is like "How the hell you gonna be changing tires during work hours?", and follows up with "I don't know who the hell you think you is". She always talks with her outdoor voice like most big girls, so of course everybody in my area comes around to see what the beef is. I was like "whatever," and I stepped in my cubicle to get my car keys cause I was leaving because I didn't feel like her shit, and thats' when she like mushed my head up against the the cubicle locker. Everybody starts laughing and everything, and the worst part is it was a bunch of college interns standing around, and they were laughing too.

One of them I was trying to get with, but that thing is dead now cause she isn't trying to get with no dude that gets beat up by his 50 year old boss.

That bitch ruined my damn street cred.

TAZ

Missy's new single...Check it out and rate it on our messy meter!!

http://www.zshare.net/audio/1371051964ce1214/

Yo this is Missy's new joint. Produced by Timbaland's protegee Danja of Britney Spear's "Gimmie More" and Justin Timberlake "Sexyback" fame.

Definitely the producer to go to right now.

Check it out.

TAZ

TAZ REFLECTS: Thanks the lawd, rapper the Game is retiring!!!

As Uncle Rukus would say, "praise White Jesus".

LMAO

The only thing worst then the Game's albums were his tattoos which are offensive to people with good tattoos on an international scale.

I just wish there were a way these rappers could sign contracts, or better yet, blood oaths when they make these proclamations. They get you all excited about not hearing from them again only to have them drop another single within 3 months.

TAZ

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RAPPER THE GAME QUITS RAP FOR FATHERHOOD

Rapper the Game wants to spend more time with his kids so he is quitting the rap game.VIA SHOWBIZRapper THE GAME’s new release will be his last - because he wants to dedicate more time to family matters.The Dreams hitmaker admits he’s had enough of life on the road and wants to settle down and be a good dad.He says, “I’ve been around for about six years and my kids are getting bigger and sometimes I’m gone for a long time, so I feel like a deadbeat dad.“I know what I’m doing (is) securing their future financially but I miss the time that I get to spend with them.”And the rap star reveals his recent legal troubles helped him make up his idea to quit the rap business.He explains, “The good thing about that is it kept me in California and I got to take my kids to karate class and tutoring and basketball.

http://blackcelebkids.com/2008/06/15/rapper-the-game-quits-rap-for-fatherhood/

MESS OF THE WEEK...The Million DJ March...No seriously

Um...I'm going to go ahead and name this the mess of the week because don't nobody want to be in the heat with a bunch of DJs all trying to sell you their mixtapes. Come on now, The Million Man March was suppose to be important, and mean something. I haven't seen such an offensive spoof since the "Million Dog March" from Legally Blonde 2.

What a mess

Erik Rashad as Taz Jonez

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Wednesday, May 7, 2008
MILLION DJ MARCH TO DESCEND UPON WASHINGTON, DC IN AUGUST
CASTING LIGHT UPON THE ECONOMIC DISPARITIES DJ'S FACE WITHIN
THE MUSIC INDUSTRY

Washington, DC – The economic plight of the deejay within the music industry is to be the focus of a two day event in Washington, DC in August with rallies and activities beginning August 29, 2008 and organizers are expecting the attendance of deejays from around the world. The event will culminate in a Million DJ March from the Capitol Building to the Washington Monument on August 30 and its message is attracting not only deejays and deejay organizations but civil rights activists as well. Plans for an organized union for deejays to assist them with things like 401k's and gig compensation security, is expected to be introduced at this time, which attending deejays will be encouraged to sign up for.

Long recognized as the backbone of the music industry without which records could not be broken, deejays are generally the least compensated members of the music equation and are, in fact, often harassed and legally penalized for their promotional efforts even when those efforts have been solicited directly by the labels and artists themselves; an arrangement that is known about throughout the industry but kept 'on the low.'

Founder of the Million DJ March, A. Shaw, a long-time sponsor of Justo's Mixtape Awards, which was started to highlight those deejays that had made the biggest contributions within the industry in a given year, felt compelled to address the economic disparity deejays experience after many years of working with them through various channels. "DJ's do not get fully recognized for the work they do." She says. "Labels and major businesses who reap the rewards of default publicity need to pay attention and give more recognition and financial compensation to DJ's for the promotion they provide, without which music sales would surely suffer."
The team for this event includes Sommer McCoy, who was an integral part of the success of Justo's Mixtape Awards in the past couple of years and DJ Green! Lantern n, who is the main feature in advertising for the March. Sponsors and attendees will be able to watch artist performances and hear the speeches of music industry leaders and founding deejays, highlighting deejays' decades of service of service to the industry. "I am calling upon the industry to show support for an event to unify deejays and help create future economic safety for those that have chosen this art form as a career." A. Shaw says in closing.

Publicist: Nancy Byron of OGPR

TAZ REFLECTS: If its lawful for men to go shirtless, should it be for women as well?

So I was coming out of the gym today, and I noticed a herd of plus sized chicks, looking all big, horny and hungry, standing across the street making cat calls to all the guys leaving the gym shirtless, and my mind started working.

Why is it okay for these men to be walking around with their man tits all out, getting these broads all hot and bothered, but if a woman does it she is thrown in jail for indecent exposure? Just like the herd of big girls sexualized and got aroused by these shirtless men and their muscle pecs, should we guys be able to do the same thing with shirtless chicks and their titties in public?

Why is it that if a chick comes out the house shirtless she has "gone wild" but when a guy does it he is being a guy?

Have we learned nothing from Hilary's struggle?

Women are turned on by man tits just as much as men are turned on by chick tits, and if shirtless is cool for the goose it should be cool for the gander as well.

Just a thought,

Erik Rashad as Taz Jonez

Its prom time again people. Join us as we pic the messiest prom outfits of the season

Is prom the new Halloween?

Yuck, ewwww, and bright are the only words I can use to describe this years prom season which started off with some young bitch getting locked up for coming to her prom in her ho gear.

Check out the rest of the fashions, and shake your head at the obvious which is, there is no hope for the new generation. LMAO

TAZ

This just in...Chinese people have officially become crazier than White people!!

Being as though I usually make racially insensitive jokes about everyone (black, white, asian, jewish, etc...) I found this opportunity to list some of my favorite jokes about the Chinese...Enjoy!

A Chinese couple get married ... and she's a virgin.
On the wedding night, she cowers naked under the bed sheets as her husband undresses. He climbs in next to her and tries to be reassuring: "My darling, I know this is your first time, and you are frightened. I assure you, I will give you anything you want, I will do anything you want. What do you want?"
"I want number 69" she replies.
"You want beef with broccoli?"


Learn Chinese in 5 Minutes

That's not right...Sum Ting Wong
Are you harboring a fugitive?...Hu Yu Hai Ding?
See me ASAP...Kum Hia Nao
Stupid Man...Dum Gai
Small Horse...Tai Ni Po Ni
Did you go to the beach?...Wai Yu So Tan?
I bumped into a coffee table...Ai Bang Mai Ni
I think you need a face lift...Chin Tu Fat
It's very dark in here...Wai So Dim?
I thought you were on a diet...Wai Yu Mun Ching?
This is a tow away zone...No Pah King
Our meeting is scheduled for next week...Wai Yu Kum Nao?
Staying out of sight...Lei Ying Lo
He's cleaning his automobile...Wa Shing Ka
Your body odor is offensive...Yu Stin Ki Pu

to all our Asian readers...prease don't be offended. I wirr be making fun of arr the other races eventuarry.

Krizz





Chinese man burnt alive for "not washing feet"
Wed Mar 12, 2008 2:18pm GMT

BEIJING (Reuters) - A Chinese bride burnt her new husband to death after he got into bed after a drunken argument without washing his feet, state media reported on Wednesday.
"Wang and his wife, Luo, were married on February 2. The couple, however, frequently fought over trivial things while still on their honeymoon," the official Xinhua news agency quoted a local newspaper as saying.
The couple, from the central province of Hubei, had another fight on the night of March 4, "and in frustration they together drank a bottle of liquor to ease their anger".
"At about 10 p.m., Luo watched her husband get into bed without cleaning or washing his feet. In a fit of anger and intoxication, she set fire to the sheet he was sleeping in," the report said.
"When he awoke, the two began fighting before a very drunk Wang collapsed. As fire engulfed the bedroom. Luo escaped to the living room, leaving her other half to burn," it added.
The woman has been arrested, Xinhua said.
(Reporting by Ben Blanchard)

I'm so drunk that when I piss I smell vodka...LMAO

And when I talk I smell vodka.

And when I move I smell vodka.

And everybody around me smells vodka.

And the worst part is I'm at work.

Some fat bitch was playing ono and she looks over at me and says, "You smell like vodka", and I says, "and you playing ono on a federal government salary, so shut the fuck up." She did. Drunk at work is the new cool.

TAZ, wishing he was Erik Ra'Shad

SEX AND THE CITY: Is Sarah Jessica Parker the new Mr. ED?

Apparently somebody thinks Sarah Jessica Parker is the ugliest woman in the world.

Blender or Maxim(I get them confused) named her least sexy.

This person right here dedicated a site to the fact that she looks like a horse.

http://sarahjessicaparkerlookslikeahorse.com/

My question is, does she?

Either way, check out "Sex and the City". I didn't even watch the show, but I found the movie charming. I wouldn't see it again, but on the positive side it should do wonders for Hasbro's "My Little Pony" toy line.

Holla

TAZ

STAR WARS: The Battle where your only weapons is your star power...

This week's battle takes place at the Cannes Film festival. The battle scene is a benefit auction, and the warriors are Madonna, hot off the heels of a number 1 album, and stealing a black baby from Africa; Sean 'Diddy' Combs; and George Clooney.

Round one easily went to Madonna who outclassed Diddy by merely taking lip gloss out of her purse, using it, and watching it sell for $472,000.00. Diddy was offering up 24-hours with Diddy which means you could hang with the mogul and super-ego for an entire day. It went for a mere $314,000.00. Madonna also saw a guitar from her last tour go for $472,000.00 as well.

Guess Diddy isn't the star he thought he was.

Then came the real war. Madonna VS George Clooney. The weapon was Sharon Stone. Last year a Sharon Stone/Clooney kiss went for $700,000.00. Ever the super ego, Madonna demanded a million for a smooch with co host Sharon Stone, and the crowd looked at her old ass as if she had bumped her head. Who wants to see too old gals kissing? Desperate, Madonna declared she would serenade fans backstage, and still even only got $550,000 for that.

Super Loser: Diddy

Loser: Madonna

Winner: George Clooney, AIDS victims the money went to, and Taz Jonez for not having to see two old gals kissing. If I want to see old broads co habitating, I'd watch the Golden Girls re runs with my gay Uncle Jarvis.

TAZ

CAMERA PHONE CAPTURES: You sir are a hott ass mess!!!

So I am walking down the ho stroll putting flyers up for our highly successful 295 Heat when I pass the Drinkery (a gay bar for old white people with very cheap drinks for the gay and gay friendly) and I come across this mess of a mess.

All the gay people I know can dress. I don't know what this troll was trying to prove or if it was a joke, but if it was, the joke is on him.

The bitch was even excited about taking this picture for me. He was like, "See me in my messiness". I'll see you alright, along with our other 4000 blog spot viewers.

TAZ